Who doesn’t love a good love story, one that whisks you away into all the fun parts of relationships–the stolen glances, the clumsiness, the first time he or she calls you back, the moment when a first date becomes a second, third and then fourth; the stop-you-in-your-tracks I love you, and the part where they live happily ever after. Perhaps we love watching love because in an hour-and-half long film we get to skip all the hard parts or montage over them. But the thing is, the hard parts might not be as scary as we think. We spoke with five people in long-term relationships and asked them “What’s one thing people should know about love that no one really says?” Here are there answers. (By the way, if you’d like to say I love you longer this Valentine’s Day, consider getting your special someone three months of flowers.)
Gloria, USA
In a relationship for over 40 years
“It is a day to day investment of the heart, the mind, the body and the soul. It really is a work of love in progress.”
Vincenzo, France
In a relationship for 7 years
Vincenzo, an Italian living in Paris with his American husband, pointed out that we see a lot of the extremes of love in books and in the media.
He says:“I think the reality is in the middle. [In my relationship] we had incredible wonderful moments but we also had moments when I thought ‘Oh my God! I cannot continue like that!’”
He laughs. “But these moments make the relationship strong. Never say it’s too much, but always try to find a way to [get through] this not ‘sweet’ moment in the relationship.”
Carolina, Colombia
In a relationship for 13 years
“For sure, relationships are work, but relationships are worth the work. …and believing in that relationship and believing in someone and growing up with someone one, it’s kind of like a luxury and not everybody finds it. And when you find it, you just want to take care of it because it’s worth all the effort and it’s worth all the work.”
Esteban, Colombia
In a relationship with Carolina for 13 years
“A lot of our friends, they look at us and they’re like, ‘you guys are the perfect couple’ and they love us. And the truth is all relationships are hard and it’s not always rainbows. When things get hard is when the relationship is tested. And not many people see those moments, not many people see the moments when one of us is crying and the other person is there [saying] ‘it’s gonna be ok’. It’s not easy but it’s something that’s very gratifying in the long term.
[Also], you can’t do this alone. Having a partner helps you go further, and if you find the right partner you will go further than you thought you could. That’s the case for us.”
Gala, USA
In a relationship for over 40 years
People need to understand that relationships are organic living things. And so if you plant them in the right spot, there going to grow; they’ll be beautiful; they’ll live forever. If you plant them in the wrong spot, they’ll die. So you need to know when you’ve got the right spot, and realize that it’s a living thing, that it’s going to change, that it’s going to evolve, that sometimes you’re going to love the person, sometimes you’re going to want to hit them with a frying pan over the head and those things pass.